• Closer to the Flame

    December 12, 2017 Kate

    Anxiety is radiating out from my core. I feel like I’m going to throw up. Or burst into tears. Or both. My body is screaming. Screaming at me to figure it out. To figure out what’s wrong so I can make it stop. Make it stop. How come when it feels like something’s not good for…

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  • How to (Be my Best) Human

    December 11, 2017 Kate

    A big part of my experimentation with planning and scheduling these last few months has been figuring out the core things I need to do to feel human. Not just human, my best human. These are the things I need to do on a daily or weekly basis to feel motivated, focused, effective, generally-level-headed-and-not-a-self-depreciating-ball-of-anxiety… You know,…

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  • Emotional Work is Work, Too

    December 8, 2017 Kate

    You know those platitudes you know are true, but don’t actually believe? Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. Changing your mind doesn’t make you a failure. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t matter what other’s think, you’re the best judge of what’s right for you. If you don’t put yourself first…

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  • Why Therapy is so Valuable

    December 7, 2017 Kate

    Thank God for my therapist, let’s just start there. I’m sitting at a coffee shop waiting out traffic after a session with her, feeling equal parts elated and exhausted. And thankful, so very, very thankful. Thankful for her, thankful that therapy is an option for me. And thankful, to be honest, that I’m at a…

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  • I Want to Fit in a Box

    December 6, 2017 Kate

    I want to fit in a box. I want to be easy to understand. Easy to explain. I have all these different interests and an overwhelming desire to reconcile them. I want my elevator pitch. I have this idea that if I fit in a box—if I knew which Kate I was—it would be so much…

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  • Different Choice, Different Me

    December 5, 2017 Kate

    Do you ever feel like you’re building your life in a vacuum? Let me explain. I feel like there are so many people I could be, so many lives I could lead. I could be Kate the Financial Planner. Kate the Artist. Kate the Entrepreneur. Kate the suburban soccer mum. Kate who divides her time…

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  • Let’s Take Inventory

    December 4, 2017 Kate

    Let’s take inventory. How much of your time is spent on things you feel you should enjoy… but don’t? How many of your hobbies, trips, and social activities are things you feel you should get joy from… but don’t? I’m reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and she touches on this in her May…

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  • I Have a Vulnerability Hangover

    December 1, 2017 Kate

    Type type type, delete delete delete, type type, delete, type, delete delete.  I’m having a hell of a time writing this morning. I’ve been sitting here for nearly two hours with nothing to show for it. Well, nothing except my mounting anxiety and crippling insecurity. (Fun!) I just want to cry, or scream, or throw…

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  • We Can’t Share the Same Darkness

    November 30, 2017 Kate

    I haven’t been depressed in a long time. For someone who spent most of their teen and early adult life juggling doctors, diagnosis’s, and medications, this is a big deal. But I still have a darkness in me. I can feel it. Not every day or even every week, but it’s there. A weight that…

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  • Warning Signs

    November 29, 2017 Kate

    Warning Signs: — Softening my edges  — Making myself small  — Talking myself up, lying, exaggerating  — Feeling insecure  — I stop making  — I start drinking/eating too much. Excesses.  — I put my life on the back burner  — Play to my darkness  — Feeling guilty/shame  I’ve spent a lot of time over the…

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