Blog post

Smells Like Entitlement

November 20, 2017

Why doesn’t he like me? Why isn’t he proud of me? Why doesn’t he want to show me off? Why doesn’t he want to take care of me? Why doesn’t he follow up when I say I’m anxious? Why doesn’t he ask why? Why doesn’t he ask how I am? Why doesn’t he care? Why do I care so much? Why doesn’t he read my stuff or comment? Why do I feel like I’m single? Why do I pull harder when he pushes? 

Why do I blame it all on him when I’ve never told him how I feel?

I found that while flipping through my notebook this morning. And then a little further down the page…

I want a partner that makes me feel inspired, energized, loved, respected, valued. Challenged. 

Here’s the thing. I’m entirely responsible for that. I’m responsible for making myself feel inspired, energized, loved, respected, and valued. I’m responsible for challenging myself.

I’m responsible for taking care of myself.

Not to say it’s bad to want to feel this way in a relationship or that parts of that laundry list aren’t valid concerns, the problem is in externalizing all the responsibility.

To make how I feel about myself and my work someone else’s responsibility is unhealthy and reeks of codependency. It’s incredibly entitled to expect someone to come along and pick out all my shiny bits and polish them.

It’s saying, “Here, you do it. I can’t be bothered.”

Yes, we want to be with a partner that encourages us. That sees our strengths and respects and supports our values. We want a partner who can see the shiny bits even when we’ve lost sight of them.

The problem is in waiting. You and you alone are responsible for how you feel.

We can’t wait for someone else to build us up, we have to do it ourselves.


Comment on my handwriting. I dare ya. 

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